Addicted to Freaking Out

I guess it's a sign that something is wrong when you decide you need counseling... and you can't find time to go.

My name is Mari Bland, and I'm a stressaholic.

Now, you might be thinking that I used the term wrong. No one could be addicted to stress, right?

WRONG.

As much grief as stress gives me (IBS, Acid Reflux, Meningitis, Shingles, Sinus Infections, Muscle Spasms, etc.), I'm addicted to it. If I'm not stressing about SOMETHING, I feel like something is wrong. The only time I rememer being truly relaxed for a long period of time was in Italy.

I can't fall asleep, then when I do I wake up constantly, and I wake up before my alarm clock.

I truly have it made. Why do I need to worry and stress about every little thing? I know what it was. Ever since I found out I was graduating early, it sent me into a tailspin. Sheesh. To most, that's a good thing.

So, I have a paper due on Tuesday that I have NO EARTHLY DESIRE to write or think about. Thank goodness we can use first person. If ONLY I could get the motivation to do it somehow.

Then I have a documentary due on Thursday. I thought the rough draft of it was really good... but it didn't get the response from the teacher that I was hoping. So, we have to re-do quite a few of the interviews and such.

Damn my perfectionist mindset. It's OK not to be perfect all the time. I promise. I tell that to my friends all the time that are like me. But, for some reason, my own advice is hardest to take.

Well, wish me luck.

This week will be a fun one. Maybe I'll actually find time to go to the counseling center.

Sigh....

Feels Good To Protest

There's nothing like chanting with a group of people who care about the world and what injustices have occurred within it.

This afternoon at 3:15, I met a group of 60+ people in the Humanities Building Plaza. We were there for many reasons, all of them having to do with RACISM on UT's campus. There's no denying it exists and people that do are choosing not to acknowledge a huge problem.

Let me explain...

Dr. George White is a teacher here at UT (well, was... but I'll get there). He was recently denyed tenure for "reasons that could not be disclosed." Some administration has commented that his published material is controversial. They also said that the publishing house which published his work is controversial.

Have I mentioned that he is black and backs almost all of the progressive groups on campus?

Interesting...

I've met Dr. George White only once, sadly. But, he is THE REASON I joined the Progressive Student Alliance. He does not try to "pull the wool" over any students' eyes. He tells the truth about the world... racism and all. Is that really controversial? Would anyone really deny that racism exists? He is an intelligent, deserving individual. In fact, Temple University has ALREADY offered him a job. Odd that someone so "controversial" would have a prestigious job WAITING for him as soon as he leaves UT.

So, we marched for him. We chanted for him. We screamed for him.

Today it was not about whether you are black or white. It was about the fact that the flagship university in Tennessee was ALLOWED to deny a man because of his color. Is this not 2007? Aren't we supposed to have a FAIR democracy in this country? Freedom? Freedom to be racist and homophobic? That is NOT the kind of freedom I want. Really, we have to freedom to hate in this country... and it terrifies me.

I feel empowered. I feel like I've made a difference.

Today I protested injustice... and tomorrow I will be looking forward to the next time.

- Mari Bland -