Just for you...

Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without ya. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you. I miss being near you! I miss your laugh! I miss - I miss your scent. I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together. Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while

Brian Fantana: Panda Watch! The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off. [to the Panda] Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid! Get out of here, Panda Jerk!

*** PROFANITY ALERT***

Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

Spottswoode: Remember, there is no "I" in "Team America".
Intelligence: [pause] Yes, there is.

Spottswoode: From what I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.N.C.E has gathered, it would be 9/11 times 100.
Gary Johnston: 9/11 times a hundred? Jesus, that's...
Spottswoode: Yes, 91,100.
Chris: Basically, all the worst parts of the bible.